Your Beauty, Embrace It

When you've had multiple tragedies and you've experienced many heart aches, scar tissue may yet linger. Maybe looking at it makes you feel like a walking lump of mistakes and mishaps. But the beauty that is within you is much stronger and much brighter than any scar, any mistake, any mishap and any tragedy in your past and for that matter, any that will come. Embrace the beauty of being you because there has never been another you and never will be. Learn to feel pretty again.

An Excerpt from DRAMA (Love Challenges)

LOVE CHALLENGES

We try to define love based upon what we feel. It’s our natural way, the way many are taught, but the most erroneous and dangerous way to attempt it. That brings a challenge in defining and showing love, which challenge only grows without a true relationship with God.
    As a child, I had one definition of love. As I grew up and in experiences, my definition changed and evolved, but not necessarily for the best. In fact, hard life warped my ideas of love so badly that many of my dreams, goals and relationships were affected by it.
    When I started up with Jay the first time, it was the fact that he was much older and more settled that drew me in. I figured he’d know how to love me and protect me. When we started up the second time, I was cautious and tried to talk to my emotions, tame them so that I’d feel nothing. But feelings are a small part of love. Love is an action that gives and gives and gives without counting how much has been given or tallying what is owed for all that has been given. The emotion of love is that overwhelming sensation that says even when you’re hurting me, I cannot imagine causing you pain. I’ll take your insults, your injuries, your callousness and I’ll care even more for you. I don’t see what you’re doing or hear what you’re saying. I see your heart and the issues that are springing up there that are causing your actions and I forgive you because I know you need my love and forgiveness more than my judgment or retaliation. Wow, the power of love.

All rights reserved. Copyright 2011 by Lacresha Hayes. Unedited excerpt from upcoming book release, DRAMA.

Differences

Not everyone grew up like you. Not everyone has your experiences, and even those who have had them didn't necessarily process the experiences in the same way.

Always remember when dealing with others that they are totally separate entities with varying principles and beliefs. Embracing that fact upfront helps us handle those differences much better. We are all small pieces of one major body. We need one another and so let's endeavor to truly accept one another this year, to support each other, to be refreshing to the souls of our brothers and sisters and neighbors, and to give compassion and mercy while speaking only the truth in love to those who are listening. New year and new you. Look out world! Here we come!

We Must Have Balance

There has to be balance in life, and especially when it comes to our spiritual walk. For ten years, I've been trying to find that balance in holiness and righteousness. I've been seeking out how to behave and respond to God's people, what to teach them when it comes to sin. I can't speak for everyone, but here's what I've learned:

None of us are without sin in prior life or present life. We all do things contrary to faith, which is sin. None of us have perfect thoughts, words and deeds at every moment of our life, even after Christ. However, it seems to be a rampant error of judgment in the church. We nearly crucify the homosexuals, the liars, the thieves, the fornicators and the adulterers. Those "big" sins of theirs are so easy to read and see that we somehow feel more righteous than they are because our sins are so much quieter. What we don't realize is that our sins are also that much more dangerous. It is truly the small foxes that spoil the vine. So we sit in our homes being judgmental of others while we practice rebellion toward our spouses, hypocritical attitudes while dealing with our children, telling "little" lies on our taxes or to our friends who ask too many personal questions, and altogether don't walk in a love that gives toward our fellow man. And we are all in the same boat without knowing, thinking we have attained some level of success because most people can no longer see our sin. How deadly and poisonous!

We must have balance and what I learned the hard way is that God reserves the right to judge our eternal home because only He knows the heart and only He can see the fullness of the measure of man. Only He is perfect so that only He is justified in sentencing us to heaven or hell. Our jobs are to link up, arm and arm, and learn from one another, sharing our strengths, covering each others' weaknesses. Our jobs are not to label one another, laying stumblingblocks in the path of our sisters and brothers. We should for sure always remember that we are human and we err in many things in many ways. But one thing we can do perfectly, if we allow God to live in us, is love one another regardless of our flaws. We must have balance and to do so, we must refocus on our own lives and living the best we can while not condemning those who we deem as worse than us. Find your balance.

Ugly Traits on Life Support

In the past four months, I've been in a situation to really analyze human behavior, including my own. It's amazing how safe we feel and secure in our values we think we are when we are around those who share those values. But outside of our safe haven, our values and beliefs are tried on a level above the average temptation.

As a believer, I've spent the last few years saturated in the company of other Christians. Being in a sheltered atmosphere like that made me feel safe and strong in principles. However, recently I was pulled out of my sheltered life and put in the midst of the people all Christians are called to pray for- nonbelievers. And while certain things about me proved to be true, there were countless other things I didn't know about myself. I didn't know how judgmental or harsh I could be. I didn't know how many stereotypes existed in my mind. I didn't know that a portion of my hypocritical side lived on. I didn't know that ignorance and hatred were still in my heart. I didn't know that the hot head was still alive. Apparently, those ugly traits were not dead. They'd been on life-support, quietly trying to nurse themselves back to life.

So now, I find myself back at the foot of the Cross, seeking God and asking Him to wash me again, clean me up and purify my heart. I shared all this with you to remind you all that we believers need to take constant inventory of OURSELVES before ever looking at our neighbors. We need to make sure we are walking in love, staying humble and keeping ourselves accountable for our actions, thoughts and words. It's okay to be imperfect. That's the whole point in the work done at the Cross of Christ. Run back to God seeking a fresh bath in His Holy Word.

Live Free by All Means

Do you know how much happiness and joy you've sacrificed trying to make others love and accept you? Can you even count the number of tears you've shed over unhealthy emotional bonds with people who choose not to love you unconditionally? Think about all the wasted time, effort and energy you've spent trying to please those who, to some degree, were not important in the grand scheme of things.

No doubt, someone can find fault with everything you do. There's no way to possibly please everybody, not even the majority of the people in your life. So, here's a new idea for this new year- focus solely on pleasing and honoring God. As a secondary objective, think about living in a way that makes you smile when you wake up in the morning, in a way that makes you proud to be who you are. If you can find satisfaction in life, it's going to be through releasing yourself from being a people-pleaser and releasing yourself to be a God-pleaser. Live free by all means.

Learning to Smile

I've learned to smile, not because everything is great in my life and all things are to my liking. In fact, I'm staring down a lupus, epilepsy, Grave's disease and arthritis diagnosis. My body is in pain almost every moment of everyday and most of my meds have stopped working effectively. I'm in debt, trouble and emotional upheaval. Nevertheless, I've learned to smile because no matter what hits come, I'm still standing. Apparently, God built me Ford tough and even tougher. Like Timex, He created me to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. It may be hard to stop a Trane, but God created me to be as unstoppable as a Trane and an immovable object. It's the resilience of God and His faithfulness.

If you held your head down all last year, you can choose to go that route again and see if something different happens. Or, you can try lifting your head, looking to the hills from whence cometh your help. All of your help is going to come from the Lord and only in His way and His timing. Might as well rejoice, be glad and enjoy each day as if it is your last. That's what it's made for!

Free From Social Stigma

One time, a friend of mine asked me if I was ashamed to tell the world that I used to be loose. As much as it is something to be ashamed of, I realized that I'm no longer ashamed of anything that I've done. Here's why and how you can free yourself from social stigma:

When I participated in certain lifestyles, I did so for whatever reason, hating myself the whole while. And in all my self-loathing, my conditions in life only grew worse. The more I dabbled in unacceptable behavior, the less hope I had of ever coming out of this life with any level of success. Finally, I was introduced fully into Christianity and learned one immutable truth- no one, NOBODY, not a soul is perfect and sinless! (Nope, not the Bradys down the street, or the McCoys up the road, not judges, probation officers, cops, not doctors and attorneys, not even the best pastors with the deepest revelations.) Can you imagine how freeing that was?

Finally, I was able to understand that God loves me regardless and always did, even in my lowest points. I was also able to see that the people I was most ashamed in front of were in no better shape as it pertains to flaws, and were in no position to judge the mistakes I'd made. I was able to embrace the love and forgiveness of God and eventually able to forgive myself. After that, the forgiveness and acceptance of others is like an optional feature on a luxury car... it isn't necessary though it is nice when you have it. Do you yet understand what I'm trying to say?

Don't hold your head down and mope around feeling like the scum of the earth or ashamed because you've done dumb things, made foolish decisions and hurt others. WE ALL HAVE. Don't give up on yourself based upon the life you previously lived. Everyone deserves as many chances as it takes to get it right, not just second chances. Give yourself that room to change and don't dare forget or be ashamed of where you come from, whether it is homosexuality, promiscuous living, prostitution, drug use, drug dealing, violence, sexual abuse or mental illness. Honey, that is where your testimony and power lie!

RESET- It's All New

The beauty of a New Year is that people tend to feel like everything is new, much more so than just the passing of one day to the next. People enter new years with resolutions and make decisions on big issues in their lives. And so here we are again in a new year, 2011. I'm sure you're full of excitement and wonder about what these 365 days will hold as compared to the last 365 days of your life.

This is the perfect time to take that excitement, joy, wonder and energy and begin again. When I speak of beginning again, I'm not being specific because all of us have some area of life we really want to push the reset button on. Whatever yours is, go on and push the button. Believe that you can create, maneuver, change or end whatever is necessary to get you out of any ruts and into living a truly satisfying life.

I pray that you use your spiritual eye to see that all things are as new as you want them to be. Let your life change by doing something different, maybe unexpected, and doing it full of faith that this day is your day to start over. RESET!!!