In the time I've been with my husband and even before we married, we've endured infidelity. That's just honesty. Am I proud of it? No! Do I condone it? Heck no! But real talk is just that. What's more, the majority of it has been on my part. I had to stop and shake my head right there for a moment. Nevertheless, we continued to grow in the midst of the worst imaginable trials.
Last night, God showed me LOVE more clearly than I've ever seen it. He showed me a picture of a Bentley broken down on side of the road. The owner was upset and had to call for help. As angry or embarrassed or hurt as he was, he didn't even once think of getting another car. He loved his Bentley. He then showed me a woman crying because her child was on drugs. As hard as it was to fathom, she couldn't turn her back on her child. She loved him. Then he showed me my husband's heart. All the pain, the anguish and tears, frustration, but in the middle of all that is this man holding out his hand to me telling me that he choose to be like God. He choose to love me anyway. He choose to keep on loving me. The tears started and I didn't know if they would ever stop. And I could feel my hubby's heart which made me feel like I was drowning. And yet, I hadn't even considered who I'd really sinned against, my Father.
Then GOD hit me with that third knock out blow. He said, I am Father of all creation. I never created anything I didn't love. You said you wanted to see my heart, feel my pain, understand me better. Feel some of the pain of loving someone who do not love you back, loving someone who refuses to put you first, who doesn't appreciate all that you've given, who wants everything you are willing to give but not from you. The pain is suffocating! It's hard to breathe through it. It's hard to think through it. It's hard to fathom staying there and taking that abuse, right? But I love and choose to keep loving you no matter your flaws, imperfections or choices. The thought of having to destroy anything I made makes my heart melt in despair. I created you in my image but very few of you ever truly understand what that means. You don't consider my feelings. You don't consider my love. You, YOU have a GOD to pray to. You have me. I, well, I am alone and all that happens in creation stops right here at my door. I am GOD and there is none other beside me. I have no GOD to pray to. And when I created a way for those I love to alleviate my pain, I find that most still won't lift a finger to help ease my pain. Yet, I still will not turn my back on you, not any of you.
So I asked in my spirit what could I do to ease God's pain. I mean, I've caused more than my fair share of it. And the answer to evangelism hit me like a ton of bricks. Each time a soul is won over to God, each time the shackles of sin are broken off someone, each time we walk in love toward someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it, each time we overcome some deeply engrafted issue, each time we are obedient simply because our Father has commanded, all of those things are like plucking thorns out of God's body. Each of them brings Him a measure of relief, gives Him a joy that overshadows all the pain. He smiles. He pokes His chest out. His countenance is brightened. GOD is REAL! His love is real. While our emotions are unstable and prone to be toyed with, His are not. He is always emotionally, physically, spiritually attached and invested. He chooses to be that way. That's no easy task!
I could go on, but some of what I want to say is much too much for online writing and the timing is not yet. So let me make my point. God's love does not take an accounting of the wrong done to it. He knows the wrong, but it doesn't change anything as it concerns His decision to be our greatest lover. It bears all things. There is nothing in this life or the next that will ever separate you from the love of God. We try to understand this through our carnal mind but the concept is much too big for that. It was love that created, is love that sustains, will be love that redeems. And for those who miss it altogether, it will be love (with streaming tears) that administer punishment. And this is where the saying "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" comes from.
With my deepest love,
(originally posted to my Facebook profile on April 11, 2011)