Coming face to face with a past abuser

It's taken me some time to make up my mind about blogging about this particular incident. But finally, I'm ready to do it.

About a month ago, my husband and I were at a church service that happened to be in the hometown of a prophet that raped me in 2004. It was not a thought on my mind if I would ever see him again. For all intents and purposes, I thought I'd forgiven everyone I needed to forgive. At any rate, about halfway through the service, I looked back and saw him. I thought I was hallucinating. I had to ask my husband if I was tripping. I'd felt icky the whole service and didn't know why. Now, I had the reason.

As service continued on a little while longer, I noticed that he was with a woman, and I correctly assumed it was his wife. I sat there imagining interrupting service and telling the whole church. I thought about taking off my heels and running over there using them on his head (something I would have done pre-salvation). The thoughts were rampant. I knew he would try to leave before service ended because he'd spotted me.

Sure enough, he attempted to leave after offering. I jumped up. My husband grabbed my arm. I snatched away and ran out after him and his wife. I'd decided that if he looked sorry, I would keep my mouth shut. But, if he pretended, I'd confront him head on. So, I interrupted the conversation that had him held up at the back door. I asked him if he remembered me. He said no. At that point, the anger was kindled even more.

After going back and forth for about 5 minutes, his wife grabbed my hand and pulled me away. She asked me what I was trying to tell her. I told her the whole story through sobs and choking back tears. So then, he walked up to us. The way he did it, made me brace up preparing myself to fight. I was ready for whatever. Then, my husband finally made it outside. I don't know what took him so long, but I know that I needed to do that on my own. I had to confront both my fears and my past. So, after discussing a bit more, he kept apologizing but saying in the same breath that he didn't remember. He and my husband exchanged numbers at the end of it. He said he would feel more comfortable getting it right over the phone. I'm sure that was so. My husband is a big guy and he looked scared the whole time. What he didn't know was it wasn't Mike he should worry about. It was a God-thing that we didn't fight. I've never been scared to fight. I didn't have anyone to defend me growing up so I learned to do it myself.

After an hour or so, he called my husband. He then admitted to me that he had been molested as a child. He had been abused. And to my surprise, the minister in me completely took over. I ministered to him and his wife. I prayed for him and his family. And then, I let it go. Not a surface let go. It was a full-fledged release. And I've slept so much better since then. I needed it. I needed to release that burden off my heart. My husband had been so right in saying that I had problems sleeping around any man because of what this prophet had done.

I realized that the only way to get beyond the things people do to you is to forgive them. You can't move beyond any action when you haven't forgiven. So now, more of my life, flaws and all, are out here for you to judge and learn from. Don't make my mistakes!